My "I'm-In-Love-Rant".

You may be confused by the obnoxious title of this post. To be honest, I am a little bit, too. But hopefully I can make myself clear to you and myself very soon here...

As of late, I have been pondering the idea of "feminism". (No, I am not putting that in quotes to show sarcasm. I am simply enunciating the word.) While I totally agree that a woman should have the same rights and wages as a man in the workforce, especially if they are doing the same job, and while I totally agree that women and men should be treated equally in life, just as should all ethnicities of the human race- I think something gets misconstrued when it comes to women who have fallen in love with a man.

The sad thing about what gets misconstrued is that (usually) the people pointing fingers at such women who are in love are also women.

Now, it's no surprise that women can be downright disgusting to one another and it's true that we don't really get dressed up to impress men, it's usually to impress ourselves and other women. It's an ongoing competition, struggle, and unspoken way of life. I personally have only had one true best girl friend my entire life and I consider that in and of itself rare and, let's face it, awesome. That just doesn't happen anymore. Women are spiteful and deceitful beings at times. It makes it hard to find true friends in all of that mess. The bottom line is that women are not (always) good to one another.

An example of this that I have experienced first hand in the time since I began dating my now very serious boyfriend, is that people (but again, mostly women) look at me differently. Not all people, mind you, because there are many who look at us with love and adoration. There are those who are truly happy for what we have found in one another and genuinely wish us the best.

Then there are those who, well... don't. Even if they say they do. You know what I mean? Whether you want to call it jealousy or spite or whatever- there are so many people in this world who will not only look down on a relationship as a whole, but look down on [the woman] in said relationship for "succumbing to domestication".

I am a prime example of this because I have moved across the country with my boyfriend. "You aren't even married!" I know, I'm such a slut. And I could go on and on to explain to those people that I know my boyfriend is the one for me, blah, blah, blah... but, really? I know it's a waste of time. I couldn't explain the depths of our relationship to anyone and get them to understand if I talked until I was blue in the face. They won't get it. It's not their relationship to "get". I'm not worried about that.

What I am worried about is this- the people who look at me as if I'm less simply because I am in love.

I see it in their faces and in their eyes when they speak to me about my relationship. Regardless if they are wishing us well or telling us that we're going to hell; I see it. It's hard to explain how I can determine what I'm seeing as "looking down on" versus "jealousy", but there's a definite difference and I guess you'll just have to take my word for that.

When I hear about stories of women mocking other women for doing their significant other's laundry, it makes me sick to my stomach. If she doesn't mind doing his laundry and he isn't physically forcing her to do so, what is the problem with her washing his clothes? I realize that there was a time when a woman was told she had to stay home and take care of the kids, do the housework, and hold down the fort. I realize that there was a time when women weren't free to go after their own goals and ambitions because that was "the man's job". But that time has passed. Who is to say that both a man and a woman can't live out their passions in the world and then come home to each other and work as a team to accomplish the household chores? I'm not saying household responsibilities should lie solely on the woman while the man gets home and cracks open another beer. But as hard working women who have experienced both love for a man and inner passion for success, should we really be pointing fingers at and belittling each other for throwing some dirty underwear and soap in a washing machine?

Women have come a long way since the early 1900's and, yes, we still have a long way to go. But when it gets right down to it, if we want to change the way the world looks at us, shouldn't we start by changing the way we look at each other?

Let her wash his dirty underwear if she wants to because the truth of the matter is, she'll probably make him do the dishes after dinner.

Let's lift each other up, ladies. And never feel ashamed for being in love.

Food for thought. 'Til next time.

Xxx

Focusing on the good.

When I started this blog I told myself that I didn't want to ever post anything negative. Two blogs in and I, of course, realized that was unrealistic. Life is full of ups and it's full of downs and, therefore, any writing that you do about your life will reflect that. My last post described how much I miss home and how moving here has been much harder for me than I thought it was going to be. Well, I suppose that's still true. However, I'm learning to love it here more and more every day.

My best friend in the whole world, someone who might as well be my sister because we've been attached at the hip since we were five, came to visit this past weekend. 11 weeks we went without seeing each other, which for the record is the longest we've gone without one another since we were five. I'm pretty sure we never stopped laughing the entire time she was here. Not for a single solitary second. Seeing her in that airport was one of my favorite moments since arriving here. We talked for a solid hour about make-up before stopping and shouting at the same time, "I missed talking about this stuff with someone who actually cares!" Our boyfriends oblige us, but let's face it- they don't care about contouring or blending brushes.

We ate too much, drank too much, and shopped too much. It was exactly what I needed. But then she had to go home and this morning when I woke up to a boyfriend at work and a best friend back in California, I felt even more alone than before. It was even quieter than usual. It's a sting that I can't even accurately describe. All I can say is that it was a sting that took two cups of coffee, an intense work out session, a Target splurge, AND dark chocolate to shake off. Once I did, I had a little pep talk with myself. Something I've become quite good at since moving here since, most of the time, I'm the only one around to cheer myself up.

I realized that I need to be grateful for the memories I made with my best friend this weekend and look forward to the ones to come next time she visits. I realized that I truly am living out a life-long dream here, even on the days when I feel emotionally drained and my soul is tired. I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I'm still doing this. I realized that this won't last forever, nothing ever does, and there will come a time in my life when I look back and miss this place and this time. I'll miss seeing the seasons change and feeling the excitement of not knowing what each outing is going to bring. I'll miss spending time in the city. I'll miss this little apartment and the way all of our cute little things look in it. I'll miss this.

The grass is always greener on the other side. But maybe it's about time I start watering where I'm standing. 

People are going to disappoint you. They are going to make mistakes and so are you. Sometimes it's hard to forgive, sometimes you can't do it right away, but give yourself time. Since moving here, many of my relationships have been hindered. I have to work every day to not let it get me down and to not allow myself to feel isolated. Maybe some relationships will get so broken that they never truly heal. It will hurt, sure, but you can focus on them or you can focus on the good. I'm trying to focus on the good and I ask that you, whomever you are, would try with me. And if you're lucky, maybe you'll find yourself in love with your soul mate in the greatest city in the world with a beautiful best friend who comes to visit and share it with you from time to time. At least I did.

Here's to the good in our lives and raising a brave middle finger to the bad.

'Til next time.

Xo