Whirlwind that is my life.

It's been two months since my last post. Two. Whole. Months. Of. Hell. Hence, the no-post situation.

From my previous posts, I think you can start to see a very distinct pattern of misery, but it was certainly not full-fledged misery just yet. The misery was only just getting started. My already difficult semester went from bad to worse very, very quickly.

I lost myself. Unless you consider the weight I started gaining, "gaining" myself, but I don't. I got so depressed and so homesick in these last couple of months. My professors didn't care about the classes they were teaching and my fellow classmates cared even less. I, on the other hand, seemed to be doing all of the caring for everybody and was studying more and harder than ever... Only to be rewarded by the worse grades I've ever gotten in my life. C's and D's... and even (gasp) an F.

I was off my game.

In addition to that, however, so was everything and everyone else around me, which was definitely a contributing factor in the mess that had become my life. I was missing trains, exhausted, and so undeniably spent.

There was sweat, blood, AND plenty of tears... but I made it through. I made it through with straight B's. Not the best grades I've ever gotten, but certainly could have been worse given the circumstances.

Now, despite this unusually gloomy weather we've been having for the past month or so, I feel like I'm on the world's best vacation in comparison. The first week of my summer vacation is complete and I couldn't be happier. I got into the school I applied to in California and my only job this summer is to apply for scholarships, set up my schedule, and take care of my mind, body, and spirit while I wait for the next chapter to start.

Jason and I move back to California on August 1st. 4 days before the 1 year mark until our wedding day. 6 days before our three-year anniversary. 7 days before Jason's 26th birthday. And 24 days before my 24th birthday.

Wow.

What a whirlwind my life has been since I started this blog nearly a year and 4 months ago already.

I've learned and grown so much more than I even know how to put into words at this point... Words that I know will come the more time that I get to spend recuperating from all that I've been through.

I like to think that I've always tried to be the best that I can be at all times. Even when I fell short of what was right, or let my naivety get the best of me, I still truly believe I've always strove for my best self. This year was no different, but I was tested in ways that I never had been before and just like in anything else in life-- when we're tested, we grow. When we grow, it hurts. If it hurts, you're doing something right. You're living.

And that's all we can ever really ask for.

Love and light...

xx,
City Girl from Cali

To everything there is a season.

I wrote about the winter and the majesty that is heavy snowfall (to a born and raised California girl, at least) and now I feel it necessary to write about the spring.

I've never in my life experienced drastic season changes. In California, we have one season year-round: beautiful. And while I do find myself missing that constantly perfect California sunshine, I am truly enjoying getting to see the seasons change. After the snow melted and everything was just plain dead for awhile, I figured it would take quite some time before my new world started turning green. Much to my surprise, however, this new world of which I've found myself took less than a month to come alive. It gets more and more beautiful every day; with cherry blossoms and flowers sprouting up all over the place practically overnight.

This newfound drastic change of seasons has gotten me thinking about the seasons in our lives. (And yes, it got me singing, "To everything turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn...") 

Think back on your life, on all of the people you have been. It's amazing to think that just from year to year, not to mention every 5 years or so, how different we become. If somebody one year ago would have told me I'd be where I am today, I'm not sure I would have believed them. If they told me just two years ago, I definitely wouldn't have. 

Our lives are like a giant book and every thing we go through, every inner-change we grow in to, becomes a chapter in that book. And the funny thing about it is that looking back on the chapters in our lives, one at a time, we (well, maybe I can only speak for myself, but I digress...) truly believe that we know how things are going to turn out in the chapters to come. Although, the truth of it is that what we believe is going to happen, usually doesn't. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse, but always it's for a reason.

I know, I know. How more cliché could I possibly get? The whole everything happens for a reason bit... But it's true! It does! And I haven't always believed that, either, which just goes to prove my "different people in our different chapters" theory. If something terrible were to happen to me or someone close to me, I would think, "What reason could this possibly be for?" But the older I've gotten, the more and more that I've learned every little detail that is bestowed upon us in our lives is part of a bigger plan, much bigger than anything we could dream up for ourselves. God's plan.

A quick example: If my parent's wouldn't have split up when I was very young, if I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken by the first boy I loved, if I hadn't have gone through all that I did because of and in light of the hardships in my life... I never would have been the me that I was when my Jason came along. Therefore, I never would have had the bravery and the appreciation and the belief in love that I had in order to open my heart to him.

Here's one more: If Jason hadn't been so driven by all that he went through in his childhood, put himself through college, worked his ass off, and gotten a job at a major plastics company... he never would have been able to take a job in California. If he hadn't have chosen the California location (out of FIFTY others)... we never even would have met.

Last one: If all of the above hadn't have happened... Jason and I never would have found each other, the people we had always been meant for, we never would have fallen in love, and we certainly wouldn't currently be living out the adventure of our lifetime right this very second.

This has been the hardest three months of my entire life. I miss my family so much and I know that I have put a strain on them as I hear them tell me often how much they wish I was back home. This decision was not one that only changed the course of my life, but it catastrophically changed the course of the lives of those all around me as well. This is a new chapter, a new season, for all of us.

And though it has broken my heart in ways I didn't know were even possible, it has also brought to life parts of myself that I didn't even know were there. 

And to think... I'm only on month 4 of 24, with many a chapter and many a season to go.

'Til the next one.

Xx