What ever happened to connecting with each other?

For the past several months I have been going through something that I like to call a "soul-growth-spurt". Which is really just my fancy way of saying that I have been in the funk of all funks and my anxiety is at an all-time high. Sure, I have better days than others and therapy is something that has helped me tremendously since the start of this year, but I'm not exactly "healed" yet. My soul is still growing, learning, changing, and truth be told---driving me up a freaking wall.

Now, all of that is completely separate from my getting married in a little over two months, but the fact that I am also planning a wedding and having to deal with the personalities of 110+ people is not all that helpful in the anxiety department.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think all of us get at least somewhat offended when we wave at someone across the street and they don't wave back. Especially when we're young. That kind of thing haunts the shit out of us. Why doesn't that person like me? Did I do something wrong? Did I offend them? Well, with texting and the Internet and social media---that same concept has been amplified in today's society to an upmost extreme. And it sucks. And it isn't "okay".

If you text someone a "Hey, how are ya?" and they don't respond, that's one thing. If you ask them something that is pretty important, that's another. And if suddenly you find yourself texting/calling/messaging several people about several different things--all of which having a different level of "importance"--and none of those people respond to you, or worse---they are short and dismissive... You end up like me. Anxious. A little pissed off. And writing about it.

I get that we live in a world where we are both incredibly busy and glued to our phones at exactly the same time. Brushing our teeth and checking our Facebook accounts have become just as important as the other. Why then, I beg of you, is updating your Snapchat more important than responding to a friend or family member who has reached out to you? When did we start prioritizing what we ate for breakfast being on our Instagram Story before calling back a loved one who maybe just wants to say hello, or maybe has something important to talk about?

How the hell do you know? You didn't call back.

When someone reaches out to me, whether it be a matter big or small, I respond as quickly as I can. Because I was raised to believe that ignoring people completely is not all that polite. So when did ignoring people become the new norm in our world? What button got pushed in people's brains that now says, "I don't feel like responding to that person, so I'm just not going to..."?

Now, I'm sure there will be people reading this who say, "But I'm just bad at texting." Or, "I'm really busy all the time." Or, "Well, I respond in my head a lot and forget to actually text back." Or, "I meant to call that person back, but I forgot." I get those things. I do. They happen. But this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.

What ever happened to connecting with each other?

Not to get too preachy or rant-y (which I probably already have), but I still believe in the value of connecting with the other human beings on this planet. Regardless of the situation, I value respecting other people and reaching back when they reach out. I could never even stomach not responding to someone in the way that so many I care about have begun on this path of not responding to me.

And it's not just me! I've heard this same complaint from very few others, so I know at least I am not alone in this sea of wasteful dismissiveness.

I'm going to try to not contradict myself by emphasizing the importance of putting our phones down from time to time to connect with the world around us... (Believe me, I'm guilty of being glued to my phone, too.) But there's a difference between mindlessly checking Twitter and actually connecting with the people who have reached out to you on your phone.

If you're reading this and thinking that I'm overreacting, you're part of the problem. You see, I don't overreact if this happens every once in a while. But when it's constant and in a row, it sparks a reaction that the writer inside of me cannot simply keep ignoring. 

We are on one slippery slope if we genuinely think that out-right ignoring and/or blowing off our fellow man is an okay thing to do.  

If someone waves at you, wave back. 

If someone texts you, text them back.

If someone calls you, answer. 

If someone is reaching out to you, reach back.

It's fine to be busy. It's great to put your phone down and enjoy the world around you, connecting with the people in front of you. But this habit of ignoring and dismissing each other completely has got to stop. It's hurtful, regardless of intention. And it's downright lazy.

Besides having ourselves and the Big Man upstairs... 

connection, at the end of the day, is all we have. 

And it's time we stop taking it for granted. 

Whether it's hello or something far more important... it matters. It deserves your attention. It deserves your time. It deserves to be acknowledged. Because people matter. And what they say, matters. 

So if someone waves at you, wave back. 

Wave back.

Beautiful chaos.

So... it's been awhile. 4 months with no posting is simply unacceptable and I apologize. But, in my defense, it's been a wild 4 months.

Last you heard from me, I was still an inhabitant of New Jersey and somewhat bitterly, with a sprinkle of cleverness (maybe?), attempted to make light of the twist and turns that consumed my life whilst living there. Well, let's catch up.

Jason and I now live in California again. We found a cute apartment, unpacked our things and our cat, and have been settling in here. I'm not going to lie; I miss our old apartment sometimes. I think mostly just because it was our first home together and so many memories were made there-- good and bad. But now, as is life, we have entered a new chapter and it took a few months, but we are finally getting into our new groove.

We've seen all of our family and friends numerous times and have seemingly scooted ourselves back in to our old lives, but in a new way. (If that makes sense.)

The wedding planning is full-fledged now. We have a venue, food, alcohol, a DJ, and a photographer. All of which happened within the same week. Not stressful at all. Just a few more grey hairs. It's fine.

No, but seriously... it makes the fact that we're getting married feel so much more real. I realized that when we got engaged last May, we were so far from everyone that by the time we saw them in person-- it was as if it was "old news" for them and not all that exciting. I mean, I wasn't expecting anyone to jump and down over it (or maybe I was), but a little bit more enthusiasm would have been nice.

Now, here we are, over a year later and we have a date. We know exactly when and where we're going to say our vows. (September 17th, 2017 at 4 pm, OMG.) We know who is going to play the music and who is going to take the pictures. And suddenly this idea of getting married has become a shocking and beautiful reality and I get butterflies in my stomach every time I think about it.

There is so many unknowns in the air right. Including, but not limited to, the fact that we were screwed over by a selfish and immoral woman at the bank making it much more difficult for us to figure out how we're going to pay for this humongous, life-altering event.

When we were in Jersey, all we had to worry about was ourselves, which was admittedly lonely at times-- but it had its perks. It was easier than trying to juggle the personalities of everyone you know and love on a day-to-day basis.

I am officially a senior in college and loving every second of my time at my new school. The professors, the trees in the quad, and the fact that it's a simple 20 minute drive away versus a 2 hour train ride. But that doesn't mean that school is easy, either. It's a LOT of work.

And still, in the face of all of this, Jason and I are happier than ever.

My grandpa told Jason, warming my heart as he put his arm around him and I watched two of the most important men in my life share a moment together, "This is a beautiful time in your life, you guys. Soak in every second of it."

And soak, we will.