What ever happened to connecting with each other?

For the past several months I have been going through something that I like to call a "soul-growth-spurt". Which is really just my fancy way of saying that I have been in the funk of all funks and my anxiety is at an all-time high. Sure, I have better days than others and therapy is something that has helped me tremendously since the start of this year, but I'm not exactly "healed" yet. My soul is still growing, learning, changing, and truth be told---driving me up a freaking wall.

Now, all of that is completely separate from my getting married in a little over two months, but the fact that I am also planning a wedding and having to deal with the personalities of 110+ people is not all that helpful in the anxiety department.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think all of us get at least somewhat offended when we wave at someone across the street and they don't wave back. Especially when we're young. That kind of thing haunts the shit out of us. Why doesn't that person like me? Did I do something wrong? Did I offend them? Well, with texting and the Internet and social media---that same concept has been amplified in today's society to an upmost extreme. And it sucks. And it isn't "okay".

If you text someone a "Hey, how are ya?" and they don't respond, that's one thing. If you ask them something that is pretty important, that's another. And if suddenly you find yourself texting/calling/messaging several people about several different things--all of which having a different level of "importance"--and none of those people respond to you, or worse---they are short and dismissive... You end up like me. Anxious. A little pissed off. And writing about it.

I get that we live in a world where we are both incredibly busy and glued to our phones at exactly the same time. Brushing our teeth and checking our Facebook accounts have become just as important as the other. Why then, I beg of you, is updating your Snapchat more important than responding to a friend or family member who has reached out to you? When did we start prioritizing what we ate for breakfast being on our Instagram Story before calling back a loved one who maybe just wants to say hello, or maybe has something important to talk about?

How the hell do you know? You didn't call back.

When someone reaches out to me, whether it be a matter big or small, I respond as quickly as I can. Because I was raised to believe that ignoring people completely is not all that polite. So when did ignoring people become the new norm in our world? What button got pushed in people's brains that now says, "I don't feel like responding to that person, so I'm just not going to..."?

Now, I'm sure there will be people reading this who say, "But I'm just bad at texting." Or, "I'm really busy all the time." Or, "Well, I respond in my head a lot and forget to actually text back." Or, "I meant to call that person back, but I forgot." I get those things. I do. They happen. But this goes a hell of a lot deeper than that.

What ever happened to connecting with each other?

Not to get too preachy or rant-y (which I probably already have), but I still believe in the value of connecting with the other human beings on this planet. Regardless of the situation, I value respecting other people and reaching back when they reach out. I could never even stomach not responding to someone in the way that so many I care about have begun on this path of not responding to me.

And it's not just me! I've heard this same complaint from very few others, so I know at least I am not alone in this sea of wasteful dismissiveness.

I'm going to try to not contradict myself by emphasizing the importance of putting our phones down from time to time to connect with the world around us... (Believe me, I'm guilty of being glued to my phone, too.) But there's a difference between mindlessly checking Twitter and actually connecting with the people who have reached out to you on your phone.

If you're reading this and thinking that I'm overreacting, you're part of the problem. You see, I don't overreact if this happens every once in a while. But when it's constant and in a row, it sparks a reaction that the writer inside of me cannot simply keep ignoring. 

We are on one slippery slope if we genuinely think that out-right ignoring and/or blowing off our fellow man is an okay thing to do.  

If someone waves at you, wave back. 

If someone texts you, text them back.

If someone calls you, answer. 

If someone is reaching out to you, reach back.

It's fine to be busy. It's great to put your phone down and enjoy the world around you, connecting with the people in front of you. But this habit of ignoring and dismissing each other completely has got to stop. It's hurtful, regardless of intention. And it's downright lazy.

Besides having ourselves and the Big Man upstairs... 

connection, at the end of the day, is all we have. 

And it's time we stop taking it for granted. 

Whether it's hello or something far more important... it matters. It deserves your attention. It deserves your time. It deserves to be acknowledged. Because people matter. And what they say, matters. 

So if someone waves at you, wave back. 

Wave back.

Christmas reflecting and Resolutions.

Christmas is over and I am supposed to be cleaning my apartment right now to prepare for the New Year's Eve party that we are supposed to have in two days. Having a week between Christmas and New Years is kind of nice, when you think about it. Usually, if you're like me, you have a little break and a little time to yourself to slowly say goodbye to your favorite time of year.

Christmas always comes so fast, but it comes just a little bit faster the older I get. Seriously-- Christmas got here in what seemed like only a month or two after it had just passed. Isn't that strange how that happens?

It's always just a little bit different, too. The people around you are a little different, the decorations in the boxes you've always had seem a little bit different, and you- yourself- are usually a little bit different, too.

I miss New York. (I don't miss New Jersey.) But I miss New York. I miss the hustle and bustle of people. The sharp cold on my cheeks. The feeling of Jason beside me as we wander down 5th Avenue. But I am so grateful for that time. In fact, it still feels like a dream. And I know that what I had with my city is a big part of the reason why I am who I am today-- this Christmas.

And next Christmas-- boy, oh boy! I am going to be MARRIED. Married, I tell you! I am going to be Taylor Christine Paris, and wife to the love of my life. If I thought Christmas felt different this year, I can only imagine what it will feel like then... And oh, how I love to imagine it.

I am so excited about the wedding. My family and friends are, too, and we're getting to that sweet spot in the planning process where just about 80% of all conversations revolve around the wedding. However, I'm surprising myself by how much more I think about what is going to come after the wedding. And no, I don't just mean the Honeymoon. I'm surprising myself because even though my thoughts drift to the wedding day and my dress and so on, quite often... They drift even more to what will come afterwards. The marriage. I am so excited to be married to my best friend. To get to say, "Oh, hi! Hello! This is my husband, Jason." To hear him say, "Have you met my wife?"

I'm so excited to get a house, and make it our own. To travel to Europe together, hopefully quite often. To get a dog, hopefully a Golden. And to start a family of our own. Growing old doesn't even seem so bad, knowing that Jason will be getting just as old right along side me.

Now, among all of this reflecting on both the present and the past-- I've, of course, been also planning my New Year's Resolutions. And here they are...

1. Get toned and stay slim for the wedding.

Because, cliché. I hadn't even realized how much weight I gained on the East Coast until I moved home and lost it, and then lost some more. I am more comfortable in my body than I maybe ever have been, and here's hoping I can keep it that way. It would also be nice to have some sexy, toned arms because I'm planning on a strapless, sweetheart wedding dress and ya girl wants to look goooood.

2. Read more.

When we lived in Jersey, I read CONSTANTLY. At one point I read seven books in one week. Seven. It was fantastic. I've always been an avid reader, but I had reached an all-time high at that point. Since we moved home, however, I haven't been making the time. Reading is so important. Getting lost in a good book is such a wonderful gift. No more taking that for granted.

3. Write more.

Yes, on this blog of course, but in general as well. I started my second novel in Jersey and I want to finish it. If only to see what happens because it's getting pretty good.

4. Grow my YouTube channel.

This is a hard one for me to even type, because to be frank-- it just makes me feel lame. In fact, I go back and forth between feeling completely lame and totally awesome every time I post a video. But I love the YouTube community and I love that people can make a living doing what they love. I want to be one of those people. Making videos is fun, no matter how many times that little voice in my head tells me it's stupid.

5. Do one (or more) spontaneous and romantic thing with Jason every single month.

When we lived in Jersey, it was just us two. We struggled with it from time to time, we got lonely. We missed our friends and going out with people or having them come over. But we also did really well on our own. We became closer than ever and bonded in a way that I've never bonded with anyone. It was truly a blessing. Now that we're back, we've lost that a little bit and we both miss it. We want to please everyone and never want to say "no" when we're asked to do something with someone because we spent so much time away. But it's important we make time for ourselves, too. The connection we share is too precious to be overlooked.

So that's it! I think these are reasonable resolutions and I look forward to checking them in what will feel like 5 minutes from now to see if I achieved them.

Happy Holidays and many blessings to you and yours in the New Year!

With love always,

City Girl from Cali