HOLY GUACAMOLE, LOSING MY EVER-LOVING SHIT.

So, you guys are used to me writing when I'm sad... am I right? I think all writers take advantage of sadness in that way. It's easy to write when you're sad (and also not) because, well, you have a lot to say when you're sad.

Today, however, is a rarity. Today I am writing because I'm happy. (The fact that I'm writing because I'm happy is the rare thing, not being happy itself... just so we're clear.) In fact, I am so happy that I can't quite even calm down enough to write this. My hands move frantically over the keyboard nearly uncontrollably and thank the Lord right now for spell check.

Today, I found out two very unexpected and exciting things... that have led me to be way too excited about life in general...

First, I am getting a piano. It's barely going to fit in our already too-small apartment, but I don't care. We'll move someday. And this is a free piano. (Those don't come around often. Or, like, ever.) And I've always wanted my own piano. So this is a groundbreaking thing for me.

Second, I also found out that I am going to Cancun, Mexico with my ENTIRE family in December. We've gone about 6 or 7 times (How bougie do I sound? Not keeping track of how many times I've been to Cancun. So sorry.) with my family's timeshare and this year is the last year we have the timeshare. So everyone's going. Including me. And Jason. And I thought we couldn't. And now we can. Best graduation gift EVER. (Or best family ever.)

So.... because I can't quite believe it myself.... let's spell this out:

August: Jason's birthday, 4 year anniversary, Vegas Bachelor/Bachelorette Party, turning 25.

September: GETTING MARRIED, going to the BAHAMAS for my HONEYMOON.
(Yes, these required caps. Because I'm screaming them. I'm screaming them at the top of my freaking lungs, I'm so excited.)

December: Finishing my last semester of college EVER, going to CANCUN, and then GRADUATING. (In that order. Crap. So excited I just broke a key off my lap top.)

Life has been so hard. If you're frequent to this blog, I think you know that by now. And in the last few weeks (even before all of this amazing-ness coming up occurred to me/became a thing that was for sure happening) I have been feeling so overwhelming thankful for all of the good in my life---true family and true friends. I say true because, well, not everybody is. But the people who are, are so damn good at it, it just about knocks me clean off my feet.

It's so easy to focus on what we don't have. I know this is cliché, but it's true. It's so easy to forget about all of the good in our life when the bad starts to drown us. And that's okay. It's okay to let it drown us every once in a while because we're only human. But it's also important to consciously remember the good as often as we possibly can because no matter where you are in life, there is so much good to be thankful for. (Easy for me to say, right? Well, you'd be surprised.)

This year has put me through the ringer and it has taken me several therapy sessions to get to the point that I'm at right now---which isn't anywhere near "there", mind you, but it's a hell of lot better than "back there".

Come January when all of this excitement turns into a memory, and I'm faced with having to get a big girl job and put my big girl pants on... I'll read this post. I'll relish in its straightforward simplistic enthusiasm. I'll grimace at how it didn't all go exactly according to plan (because nothing ever does) and hopefully... I'll feel just as unbelievably thankful for my life as I do in this very moment.

Oh, and one more thing...

Thank you, God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Why I'm Not "Too Young To Get Married"

Recently, someone in my life told me that I am "too young to get married". They did so half-jokingly, and I'm sure their intention wasn't to hurt my feelings, and they didn't.

It just got me to thinking that this person is probably one of many who is or has thought the same thing. And these people are totally entitled to their opinion...

But here's why they're wrong.

First of all, I'm almost 25 years old. My fiancé, almost 28. So, there's that.  

Second, my fiancé and I have wanted to be married for 4-5 years before we start our family and trying to have children. We feel it's really important for us that we have a few "selfish years" in our marriage. And here's what I mean by that...

Marriage is a big deal. That fact is not lost on me. Being the child of not one, but two divorces--- I know exactly how big a deal it is. Marriage between two people is also based solely in the two people who are married. Crazy, I know! It doesn't revolve around the two people's parents, or family members, or co-workers, or friends... It revolves around the two people who are married. 

My fiancé and I want to establish ourselves as husband and wife, as a team and a partnership, before we have kids. We want to have our feet firmly planted on the ground as husband and wife. Not only that, but we want to use that partnership to enrich each other, not only as a team, but as individuals. We want to travel. A LOT. We want to see the world and go on adventures. We want to make mistakes and learn from them. We want to go out and go dancing on the weekends. We want to have careers that instill confidence within ourselves and allow us to do the things we love. We want to stay up late on Saturday nights and sleep in late on Sunday mornings. We want to watch movies with curse words in them and go on spontaneous weekend trips. 

We want to be selfish. 

And we want to be married while we are.

All of this isn't to say that once we have kids, we won't be able to do these things. But once we have kids, they will be our world. We will no longer be selfish because we won't want to be. 

So often in life we do something so that we can get to the next thing.We go to high school so we can go to college. We go to college so we can get a good job and get promoted and make more money. We want to meet someone so we can get married and have a wedding and buy a house and have kids... 

So often in life we forget to actually live while we're doing these things. We're all guilty of that, myself included.

But when it comes to my marriage, something that I take more seriously than almost anyone I've ever met, I don't want to just get to the next part. I want to live in my marriage. I want to relish in the moments--good and bad--of being married. I want some time to learn how to be a good wife before I have to start learning how to be a good mom.

And for the record--- as excited as I am about my wedding day, and as many butterflies as I get when I practice my vows in my head before I go to sleep at night, my wedding day is not why I'm getting married. 

The thing that I daydream about even more than that one day... is all the days that will follow. The days when I will get to say, "Hey, this is my husband!" And hear him say, "Have you met my wife?" The days when I will get to sign my name "Taylor Paris". The days when we go out to eat and I'll get butterflies as I sit across the table staring at the ring on his left finger. The day when we find out we're going to have a family of our own. The days when I will wake up on a Sunday morning with my own little family running around, jumping on the bed. The days when I'll think to myself how thankful I am to be in love with my best friend, and how wonderful it is that we created something so beautiful, so full of love, and so ours.

While it may not be "the norm", I've been preparing for my marriage since I was a little kid. I used to think to myself that most of my friends couldn't even quite appreciate just yet how blessed they were to have two parents under one roof. 

And just to be clear, I'm not knocking my parents or my childhood in the least. My mom is one of the best there is and raised me with grace in the face of all she went through as a single parent. I am who I am today because of my parent's constant love and encouragement. I treasure marriage in the way that I do because of what I saw them go through. Not in spite of it.

Marriage is a beautiful bond between two people. It's getting to choose your family. It's having someone next to you throughout all the ups and downs of life. It's growing and changing and learning with someone who is doing the same. It's saying "Goodnight, I love you" before bed, and sleeping soundly because you can feel their warmth next to you. 

I'm not too young to get married 

because I'm an eighty year old woman in a 24 year old body.

I'm not too young to get married 

because I value, so whole-heartedly, just what marriage is.

I'm not too young to get married 

because I fall even more head-over-heels in love with my other half every single day.

I'm not too young to get married 

because I've been praying to God since I was a little girl to send me my soul mate,
and now I pray to thank Him for it.

I'm not too young to get married 

because I love my fiancé so much that my heart aches in my chest if I think about it for too long.

I'm not too young to get married 

because love doesn't put into little boxes just when what should happen over the course of our lives.

And honestly... who are we to argue with love?

Christmas reflecting and Resolutions.

Christmas is over and I am supposed to be cleaning my apartment right now to prepare for the New Year's Eve party that we are supposed to have in two days. Having a week between Christmas and New Years is kind of nice, when you think about it. Usually, if you're like me, you have a little break and a little time to yourself to slowly say goodbye to your favorite time of year.

Christmas always comes so fast, but it comes just a little bit faster the older I get. Seriously-- Christmas got here in what seemed like only a month or two after it had just passed. Isn't that strange how that happens?

It's always just a little bit different, too. The people around you are a little different, the decorations in the boxes you've always had seem a little bit different, and you- yourself- are usually a little bit different, too.

I miss New York. (I don't miss New Jersey.) But I miss New York. I miss the hustle and bustle of people. The sharp cold on my cheeks. The feeling of Jason beside me as we wander down 5th Avenue. But I am so grateful for that time. In fact, it still feels like a dream. And I know that what I had with my city is a big part of the reason why I am who I am today-- this Christmas.

And next Christmas-- boy, oh boy! I am going to be MARRIED. Married, I tell you! I am going to be Taylor Christine Paris, and wife to the love of my life. If I thought Christmas felt different this year, I can only imagine what it will feel like then... And oh, how I love to imagine it.

I am so excited about the wedding. My family and friends are, too, and we're getting to that sweet spot in the planning process where just about 80% of all conversations revolve around the wedding. However, I'm surprising myself by how much more I think about what is going to come after the wedding. And no, I don't just mean the Honeymoon. I'm surprising myself because even though my thoughts drift to the wedding day and my dress and so on, quite often... They drift even more to what will come afterwards. The marriage. I am so excited to be married to my best friend. To get to say, "Oh, hi! Hello! This is my husband, Jason." To hear him say, "Have you met my wife?"

I'm so excited to get a house, and make it our own. To travel to Europe together, hopefully quite often. To get a dog, hopefully a Golden. And to start a family of our own. Growing old doesn't even seem so bad, knowing that Jason will be getting just as old right along side me.

Now, among all of this reflecting on both the present and the past-- I've, of course, been also planning my New Year's Resolutions. And here they are...

1. Get toned and stay slim for the wedding.

Because, cliché. I hadn't even realized how much weight I gained on the East Coast until I moved home and lost it, and then lost some more. I am more comfortable in my body than I maybe ever have been, and here's hoping I can keep it that way. It would also be nice to have some sexy, toned arms because I'm planning on a strapless, sweetheart wedding dress and ya girl wants to look goooood.

2. Read more.

When we lived in Jersey, I read CONSTANTLY. At one point I read seven books in one week. Seven. It was fantastic. I've always been an avid reader, but I had reached an all-time high at that point. Since we moved home, however, I haven't been making the time. Reading is so important. Getting lost in a good book is such a wonderful gift. No more taking that for granted.

3. Write more.

Yes, on this blog of course, but in general as well. I started my second novel in Jersey and I want to finish it. If only to see what happens because it's getting pretty good.

4. Grow my YouTube channel.

This is a hard one for me to even type, because to be frank-- it just makes me feel lame. In fact, I go back and forth between feeling completely lame and totally awesome every time I post a video. But I love the YouTube community and I love that people can make a living doing what they love. I want to be one of those people. Making videos is fun, no matter how many times that little voice in my head tells me it's stupid.

5. Do one (or more) spontaneous and romantic thing with Jason every single month.

When we lived in Jersey, it was just us two. We struggled with it from time to time, we got lonely. We missed our friends and going out with people or having them come over. But we also did really well on our own. We became closer than ever and bonded in a way that I've never bonded with anyone. It was truly a blessing. Now that we're back, we've lost that a little bit and we both miss it. We want to please everyone and never want to say "no" when we're asked to do something with someone because we spent so much time away. But it's important we make time for ourselves, too. The connection we share is too precious to be overlooked.

So that's it! I think these are reasonable resolutions and I look forward to checking them in what will feel like 5 minutes from now to see if I achieved them.

Happy Holidays and many blessings to you and yours in the New Year!

With love always,

City Girl from Cali

Beautiful chaos.

So... it's been awhile. 4 months with no posting is simply unacceptable and I apologize. But, in my defense, it's been a wild 4 months.

Last you heard from me, I was still an inhabitant of New Jersey and somewhat bitterly, with a sprinkle of cleverness (maybe?), attempted to make light of the twist and turns that consumed my life whilst living there. Well, let's catch up.

Jason and I now live in California again. We found a cute apartment, unpacked our things and our cat, and have been settling in here. I'm not going to lie; I miss our old apartment sometimes. I think mostly just because it was our first home together and so many memories were made there-- good and bad. But now, as is life, we have entered a new chapter and it took a few months, but we are finally getting into our new groove.

We've seen all of our family and friends numerous times and have seemingly scooted ourselves back in to our old lives, but in a new way. (If that makes sense.)

The wedding planning is full-fledged now. We have a venue, food, alcohol, a DJ, and a photographer. All of which happened within the same week. Not stressful at all. Just a few more grey hairs. It's fine.

No, but seriously... it makes the fact that we're getting married feel so much more real. I realized that when we got engaged last May, we were so far from everyone that by the time we saw them in person-- it was as if it was "old news" for them and not all that exciting. I mean, I wasn't expecting anyone to jump and down over it (or maybe I was), but a little bit more enthusiasm would have been nice.

Now, here we are, over a year later and we have a date. We know exactly when and where we're going to say our vows. (September 17th, 2017 at 4 pm, OMG.) We know who is going to play the music and who is going to take the pictures. And suddenly this idea of getting married has become a shocking and beautiful reality and I get butterflies in my stomach every time I think about it.

There is so many unknowns in the air right. Including, but not limited to, the fact that we were screwed over by a selfish and immoral woman at the bank making it much more difficult for us to figure out how we're going to pay for this humongous, life-altering event.

When we were in Jersey, all we had to worry about was ourselves, which was admittedly lonely at times-- but it had its perks. It was easier than trying to juggle the personalities of everyone you know and love on a day-to-day basis.

I am officially a senior in college and loving every second of my time at my new school. The professors, the trees in the quad, and the fact that it's a simple 20 minute drive away versus a 2 hour train ride. But that doesn't mean that school is easy, either. It's a LOT of work.

And still, in the face of all of this, Jason and I are happier than ever.

My grandpa told Jason, warming my heart as he put his arm around him and I watched two of the most important men in my life share a moment together, "This is a beautiful time in your life, you guys. Soak in every second of it."

And soak, we will.

The best day.

May 3rd, 2015 at 4:06 PM was the single greatest moment in the single greatest day of my entire life.

I was in Central Park, New York City- my favorite place in the world. It was a beautiful spring Sunday afternoon with not a cloud in the sky. The breeze was blowing through the fully bloomed trees, and grass, flowers, and greenery all around me. 

I was standing near a pond and next to what is now my favorite bridge in the park, watching the ducks swim, with the love of my life. 

I was calm, content, and grateful for such a beautiful day.

Then, suddenly, my best friend, my soul mate... He turned to face me and slowly got down on one knee. Before my heart could catch up with my head to figure out what was going on, he pulled out of his pocket a small, black box.

My hands flew to my mouth as my jaw dropped in shock and I couldn't breathe.

"Taylor Worthey," he said, tears filling his big, brown eyes, "Will you marry me?"

The whole world had gone quiet and all that was real was me and him.

Tears filled my eyes and I believe my exact words in response were, "Yes! Oh my God! Yes! Yes!"

I pulled the ring from the box and shoved it on my finger without even looking at it. 

I grabbed my fiancé's face and he stood up, wrapping his arms around me and smiling. We kissed, and laughed, and cried, and kissed some more.

He scolded me for not even looking at the ring and when I finally did I realized it was perfect. Exactly what I had always imagined it would be. Just as was this monumental moment.

The best person I know, the best thing that has ever happened to me... And he asked me to be his, forever.

We lied in the grass together in Central Park for nearly an hour, soaking in our engagement and daydreaming about all that is now to come.

All I can do now is smile, and thank God, and stare- incessantly- at my left hand.